Grandma Elaine...

Faustina Elaine was named after not only the famous St. Faustina, but also after my mother, Elaine, who passed away June 22nd, 2003.

Today would have been her 55th birthday...
I remembered her today in prayer and I brought her to the altar at mass.

I think I have dealt with (or tried to deal with) her death as well as one can (certainly there are moments), but the hardest thing for me, I think, is the fact that she cannot share joyous moments with Cynthia and I (and the little ones too, of course). I mean, selfishly, I cannot experience events and times in life where I know her joy would have augmented the sheer pleasure of my own life. Yes, I know that her being here, as all that she was - full of life -, would make those precious moments even more so. Yet I must confess, I appreciate and love my mother better now than I ever did when she was alive, but I suppose we all do that- not appreciate what we have until it's gone.

Yet I trust and have hope in the Lord's mercy. I have always thought that my mother was a good woman, and that her suffering was redemptive not only for the sake of her own salvation but for mine and our family in general. (But back to me again - because this reflection on her is really all about me!)

A friend and colleague of mine at Trinity offered a profoundly wise week of morning prayer reflections at school: he pointed out that the life of our Lord, Jesus Christ can be likened to a Greek tragedy. Now of course, tragedy has to be defined carefully; a tragedy is different from catastrophe. Both are hard and cause pain, but a tragedy has a redemptive element to it, whereas catastrophe is simply destructive. And so if Christ's life is the 'perfect' tragedy, and we are called to imitate Him, then we must not only follow Him as admirers but also carry our cross of suffering. We must embrace both the triumph and the tragedy of our Lord - we must be transfigured by His magnificence and His liberating, beatific love while simultaneously offering ourselves to be crucified in a world that St. Paul says is fundamentally passing away.

I wish I had the text of what he wrote... it was one of the most profound yet clear explanations of human suffering and our challenging call to beatitude I have ever heard. Kudos to Scott.

I bring this in because I firmly believe in God's providence, and I see my Mom's suffering coincide with my 'transfiguration', my true conversion. Only through this could I embrace the cross too.

As my wife, brother, and sister-in-law know best, I am a completely different man than I was even 5 or 6 years ago; I still am a great sinner, but my life is no longer oriented toward me, myself, and I (I know... I still need work); it is oriented toward the Lord; I possess faith, that great grace from God. So, because of this, I long for her to see me as I am now, a son of hers who deeply appreciates her and wants to actually share life with her (rather than shut her out and be unappreciative) and tell her about my day and my passion to share the good news. I want to see her call Granny and talk about nothing for an hour and laugh to myself. I want to see her pick up Faustina and grin at her and tickle her and care for her. I want to see her talk with Cynthia and share her life, and look through old photo albums, and cook Thanksgiving dinner together. I want her to look at me and be proud of who I am and what I've done... well, she always did that... but I want her to actually have something to be proud of rather than just loving me so much for being her son (yeah, she loved us all that much- she was a jealous Mom, kind of like how Yahweh was a jealous God in the Old Testament- we were all everthing to her: Dad, Kim, Jason, Granny, and me).

So, with that babbling, I praise the Holy Trinity for my Mother who remained faithful to the Lord and the Church (as much as she knew how in such a troubled era), and I thank God; and I offer my intercession for the repose of her soul, and I know I can also, through Christ, beseech her to look after us and intercede for us as we struggle on the journey to be saints, knowing that if she could she would - and would have already.

Amen.

= = = = = = = =

My lovely sister-in-law, Annamarie, offered this reflection today as well:

It would have been my mother-in-law’s 55th birthday today. Dear Husband and the boys marked the occasion by going to Mass together and praying for her (while I was bedridden).

As Booger gets older, I am more determined for him to know and remember that he does have another grandmother — one that he has never met, unfortunately.

About a week ago, the boys and I were driving around between errands when I realized how close we were to the cemetery where Elaine is buried, and how long it had been since I’ve gone there.

I also realized that this would be the first time our coherent eldest would be visiting her grave, though he’s gone plenty of times as a baby and toddler.

How interesting it was to have a discussion with Boo Boo about where we were and what we were doing. When we got to the mausoleum and I showed him her grave (which is conveniently located on the lowest level, so the boys can see it easily), he put his eyes up to the marble stone and said, “Why can’t I see her in there?” His curiosity and innocence helped lighten the mood a little, at least.

I had the boys kneel next to me and began to pray out loud. We all were a little surprised when I started crying. It really had been a long time since Elaine had died, and we’ve had to go on without her, but the thought that she would never meet and see our children — and DH’s brother’s children — in this life still overwhelms me with grief from time to time.

“It will be OK, Mama,” Boo Boo said, patting my shoulder. He’s right. I do have to trust that it will be OK, someday, and pray for our reunion in the next life. Then we’ll have all the time in eternity with each other…

Potty training... already!

We wish.

"Take two of these and call me in the morning"

The ladies of the house have fallen ill with a nasty sore throat!


Just hanging out with mom on the couch...

He does it all (UPDATED with the truth revealed!)

Mike went to adoration last night from 12am-1am. Got up at 6am and took care of Faustina until 7am. He worked all day. Then he comes home and does errand/grocery shopping. And then he cooks dinner for everyone while he helps with Faustina! I appreciate all you do so much and you spoil me!



------
Mike chimes in:

What she didn't tell you was that I was crabby when I got home too!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

You are the best. We love you!

10 weeks and trying not to count...

This little bean in me is at 10 weeks and I have only 30 left to go...yikes, that sounds like a lot! I hate to wish these days away, but I just want to feel normal again. I want to love being pregnant with every fiber of my being, but I feel absolutely lousy. This feeling of nausea is the worst. I have often pat myself on the back for my ability to endure physical pain. Sports ingrained this in me: hard soccer practices, work-outs in the cold, long runs, basketball killers. Bring it on - in fact, I thrive on it! This morning sickness, however, is something I cannot handle. I would rather go through labor 7 times a week than deal with morning sickness.

I must say, I am incredibly blessed to not be as sick as I was with Faustina. During the first 20 weeks with Faustina I was throwing up and I looked like death rolled over. My face, which usually has color, was gray and almost green. At school one day last year, a male colleague came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder saying, "You look terrible! I wish I could tell you it will get better, but it might not". First of all, I thought "Thanks!" for the boost of confidence about my appearance, and then I thought: "great - I could have a whole pregnancy of this morning sickness."

Food is an essential problem. No food sounds appealing, and I don't even want to eat or think about eating. But I need to eat, often, or else I get sick. A terrible cycle. This situation is not ideal for my wonderful husband because this means either we don't have any food to eat, he cooks, or we eat out (which has been happening way too much lately)!

Mike, as always, is wonderful. He's helpful and understanding. Also, my dear parents spoil us. Mom comes over almost at the drop of a hat. She came over this morning for an hour and brought 3 different kinds of soup for me and watched Faustina and Isaac. I was able to rest. Faustina and I are currently struck with terrible colds and sore throats - no fun.

But this harder time too shall pass. I find myself looking at Faustina and thinking - God is SO good, what a gift! And we have another little gift on the way. Genesis says women will have labor pains, morning sickness must be an unwritten part of the deal. Hopefully, the second half of being pregnant is easier as it was with Faustina!

Pray for the little ones

Today is the March for Life 2009. It is a special day to say a prayer for pro-life advocates, leaders and organizations, but especially for any mothers who are contemplating having an abortion that they will have the grace to say yes to giving their child life.

"America you are beautiful . . . and blessed . . . . The ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every human being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless. If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life"
-Pope John Paul II

End to Abortion Prayer:

Lord God, I thank you today for the gift of my life, And for the lives of all my brothers and sisters. I know there is nothing that destroys more life than abortion, Yet I rejoice that you have conquered death by the Resurrection of Your Son. I am ready to do my part in ending abortion. Today I commit myself Never to be silent, Never to be passive, Never to be forgetful of the unborn. I commit myself to be active in the pro-life movement, And never to stop defending life Until all my brothers and sisters are protected, And our nation once again becomes A nation with liberty and justice Not just for some, but for all, Through Christ our Lord. Amen!

A sibling for Faustina on the way!

Cynthia is pregnant!

Based on the information, baby #2 will arrive on August 31st or September 1st! The little one is about 1 inch at the moment and everything looks good. The ultrasound picture (below) on the left shows a nice view with all his/her little limb 'buds' and on the right is a funky 3D picture.

Big sister, Faustina! We'll have to re-name the blog soon!

picture of the day

A little one scatters flower petals before a procession of the Holy Eucharist- priceless.

An interview: "7 Things Teenage Boys Most Need"

Interview With Spiritual Director of Adolescents

WASHINGTON, D.C., JAN. 13, 2009 (Zenit.org).- Being the parent of an adolescent boy is legendary for its difficulty. But according to one priest who acts as a spiritual director and confessor for high school boys, just keeping in mind seven points can make for a better relationship with adolescent sons.

Legionary of Christ Father Michael Sliney suggests the following seven necessities for parents of adolescent boys:

1. Clear guidelines with reasonable consequences from a unified front; cutting slack but also holding boys accountable for their actions.
2. Reasonable explanations for the criteria, guidelines and decisions made by parents.
3. Avoiding hyper-analysis of boys' emotions and states of mind: avoiding "taking their temperature" too often.
4. Unconditional love with an emphasis on character and effort more than outcome: Encourage boys to live up to their potential while having reasonable expectations. To love them regardless of whether they make it into Harvard or become a star quarterback.
5. Authenticity, faith and fidelity should be reflected in parent's lifestyles.
6. Qualities of a dad: Manliness, temperance, making significant time for family, putting aside work, and being a reliable source of guidance.
7. Qualities of a mom: Emotional stability, selflessness, loving service and extreme patience.

In this interview with ZENIT, Father Sliney takes a deeper look at the seven points.

Q: What are some of the particular characteristics of this age group that parents and educators need to bear in mind?

Father Sliney: Well, one of the first and most important points is to recognize that they are no longer kids. Up to age 12, they are still kids. But from 13 onward, puberty kicks in and there is a lot more sensitivity; they are more easily irritated and they want to be treated like a teen, not like a kid.

At this age, teenage boys are discovering their identities and going through a lot of turmoil. It's a very sensitive time, and we need to pray for them and dedicate time to them, show personal interest, try to understand what they're thinking.

Q: How can a parent find the balance between being clear, firm and yet flexible?

Father Sliney: Explain to your son in advance: These are the guidelines and these are the consequences. The consequences must be reasonable. Every parent has an atomic bomb he or she can pull out -- taking away the Internet, the cell phone, or the driver's license, or keeping their bedroom door open -- but everything needs to be done in a fair way, in due proportion. You can't surprise a kid with a negative punishment that doesn't correspond to what he did.

Don't let the kids feel like there is no hope or that they have totally lost your trust. Striking the balance between being firm and cutting them some slack is important.

Also, it is better to be emotionless and rational when you reprimand them or make a point. Don't throw salt in the wound by making a punishment into an emotional ordeal. If you're going to ground your kid, do it in a rational, non-emotional way. Be brief. In the end, boys respect it more.

Q: How can parents motivate their kids to do the right thing?

Father Sliney: Don't explain it so much in terms of "right" and "wrong," but in terms of "wise" and "wrong." Explain the reasons behind why something is wrong or right and frame your motivations in a positive way.

For example, instead of telling your son, "Don't become a drug addict," help him to see how resisting the temptation is a great way to forge his character. When the issue of premarital sex comes up, flip it around: Instead of saying, "It's a mortal sin" or "You might get a disease," help him to look forward to his future wife, and to think of what a great gift he could offer her if he waits for her.

Q: Why should parents avoid probing into their sons' emotional life?

Father Sliney: Boys don't like to be analyzed under a microscope. Sometimes the worst possible question a parent can ask is: "How are you doing today? How are you feeling? You look a little sad." Don't analyze their emotions and state of mind. Girls might like to talk about their feelings and emotions, but most boys don't. If they had a bad day, they don't want to talk about it because it makes them feel vulnerable and weak.

Q: Do teenage boys really feel a lot of pressure to perform up to their parents' standards?

Father Sliney: Yes, they do feel a lot of pressure and they are very sensitive when they feel judged by how they perform instead of by who they are. They need the love and esteem of their parents. Parents should put the emphasis on their kids' characters and on the effort they make, not necessarily on the result that comes out. If a kid is honest, generous, prayerful, trying hard in school, and is still a B student, he's doing his best, and he should be encouraged. It's important for parents to have reasonable expectations and to encourage each boy to live up to his potential.

Q: How important is the good example of the parents?

Father Sliney: It is extremely important. We all hyper-analyze our parents and observe the example they set in all areas: If they are practicing what they preach, if they are faithful to each other, etc. High school is a very tumultuous, unstable time for boys. If these qualities of fidelity and authenticity are not there, and if there is not a stable, happy marriage, it's chaos. Troubled kids generally come from dysfunctional or broken families. Here we see the importance of a great marriage: If that's in place, you've got a pretty good chance of a teenager getting through in good shape. There are not too many cases of parents who've got it together having dysfunctional kids.

Q: Can you expand on the importance of the dad's role in relation to his son?

Father Sliney: Kids, especially in high school, need to spend time with their dad, doing things together. This time together creates a space for him to open up and talk if he wants to. Take him out to breakfast or out to a game. Look for ways that he would want to do something with you. Dads need to get personally involved with their sons and dedicate time especially to their more difficult kids. Making little gestures of kindness is so important. My dad used to stop in every night before going to bed. He showed me he cared by asking how I was doing with my homework, how things were going. It was just a quick gesture but it was very helpful.

We're living in a very feminized culture, so dads need to teach their sons what true masculinity is all about. Being masculine doesn't mean being a tough football player and lifting weights. Manliness means strong character, self-control, quiet strength, and getting through adversity without whining. Kids need to see the example of what it means to be a man in their dad. It's about having an internal toughness, not complaining, and not letting others tell you what to do. You're the man of the house, you think about things, and you have things under control.

If you're living an authentic life, it comes across. One time when I was a kid, we got a pretty serious tornado warning while we were out in the yard, cleaning up. My dad went to each one of us: He was calm, in control, and he knew what needed to be done. Once we were all in the basement, he was at peace, having a good conversation with us. He was a calming force, full of confidence and authenticity.

And dads need to be a reliable source of guidance because high school kids are looking for words of wisdom. Kids are looking for advice from the one they love. Dads need to be available, but also offer. Kids shouldn't be intimidated or afraid to approach their dad for advice.
Read the rest here.

Do you see Faustina's new teeth?!

'Hillbilly' Faustina!


Oh, wait. Those are just rice krispies.

Great Grandma Saunders

Great Grandma spent the past 10 days at my parents' house before she flew out to sunny California on Friday to spend time with friends. Grandma has four children, 26 grandchildren, and now 15 great grandchildren (with more on the way in 2009)! Talk about a family tree and it growing exponentially!

A pretty astonishing editorial on pre-natal testing...

This is a pretty interesting article on pre-natal testing and some words from a real person, rather than scientific 'facts'.

False Judge and Jury

A comment on: Prenatal Testing: Worthwhile or Wrong?

A little over eight years ago, my niece heard these words from a woman, "I will not bring this child into the world." The woman was not an expectant mother, she was my niece's OB/GYN. At five months into her pregnancy, an ultrasound revealed my niece's child had no apparent brain matter. A subsequent ultrasound revealed that her son had an encephelocele and that the build up of spinal fluid had squished his brain to the top of his head making the brain itself undetectable on a regular ultrasound. Many experts advised termination of the pregnancy.



My niece and her husband decided to bring their little boy into the world even if it meant just a few precious moments with their little son or if it meant a lifetime of constant care. They had to find a neonatologist, a new delivery doctor and even a new pediatrician who would agree to care for their son with his special needs. Three months later, my niece gave birth to her second child. He was taken that week into surgery where they implanted a VP shunt to drain the excess spinal fluid to allow room for his brain. They were told their son probably would not see, hear, talk or walk.

Today, this young boy attends second grade, is preparing to make his first communion, sees and comments on the beauty that surrounds him, asks his grandma to play the piano for him, is surprisingly articulate and is able to walk. While he has occasional seizures, he is a thriving little person deserving of care. Ultimately, he is a child of God, deserving of the special place in this world that God intended for him.

I guess my point is, prenatal testing is very worthwhile when it helps to prepare doctors and parents to help the child in need of help, but it can be very harmful and seductive when "experts" become the judge and jury of such a child and use it as a means to determine which children should live and which children they refuse to bring into the world.

Thanks and God bless you!

Catherine Lemek

A quiet, unique time

In the past few months I have often found myself sitting back and thinking, "Wow, I am SO lucky to be able to stay home with Faustina! I have the best 'job' in the world!" And then another thought immediately follows with a bit of guilt, "Am I doing enough? What else would the Lord have me do?" I enjoy perusing other mothers' blogs; many of these mothers are devout Christians with families, some have jobs, a full plate and they just are always busy and so productive! I am inspired and in awe of all that these women do. I try to keep our small house organized and somewhat clean and even this is a difficult task for me at times!

Over the past few months, I know the Lord has been telling me to simply enjoy this time when the kids (I'm also caring for another little one) are young. My job is to love them up, satisfy their needs, and to absorb this special time of having babies around and acknowledging that I DO have more quiet time around the house and to enjoy that!The kids will get older, life will get busier, discipline and training will need to start, kids will have school, God willing Faustina will have siblings, and there never will be a time again quite like this. There are times when Mike and I can literally sit around for hours and just enjoy each others' company and hang out with Faustina. What a blessing!

The Lord has also put it on my heart to spend more time in prayer since I do have a great deal of quiet time during the day. And that truly is 'doing' something. Praying for people, saying the rosary, reading about the saints, learning new prayers to memorize, reading the Bible, listening to spiritual talks; these are all activities that people often say they just don't have time for in their busy lives. Well, staying at home with a 7 month old gives me time to do those things. People need prayer; I and my family need to be strengthened in the Lord to prepare us to do his will. I pray that even when life is more busy I still have grace to make this a daily priority!

Jeanne & Faustina

This photo was from Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa Lee's place; Jeanne was 'stranded' in MN alone, as my Dad, sister Kim, and Jordan were all on trips. Jeanne came along to the Lee's and we had a great time.

Tweety Bird?!

Does Faustina look like the cartoon character... maybe a little bit!

Look at me

Here she is - standing up. This is pretty much all she wants to do these days. And, I must say, she is getting good at it. She practices walking in place which is amusing. Our little marching baby.

A new friend for Faustina...

We are letting Faustina cry to put her on a bed-time schedule. Naturally, she's been somewhat upset about this. However, she's managed quite well by finding a friend to suffer with her in solidarity... teddy bear. We've been finding Faustina asleep on top of, next to, and cuddling with her little buddy (actually, the bear is almost as big as she is!). Cynthia and I enjoy peeking in on her to see her latest configuration with her teddy-bear friend!

On True Poverty & The Family

I wanted to share this timely and moving message from Pope Benedict XVI on poverty, both material and spiritual. I thought it was well stated and is a powerful reminder for us all, especially in this time of economic struggle.

Solution to Poverty Is Poverty, Pope Proposes
Makes Distinction Between Evangelical Spirit and Misery

VATICAN CITY, JAN. 1, 2009 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI is inviting the world to combat poverty that offends human dignity with sobriety and solidarity, fruit of the evangelical poverty chosen by Jesus.

The Pope made this distinction between poverty that offends God and the poverty chosen by God during his homily today at a Mass in St. Peter's Basilica for the feast of Mary, Mother of God, and World Peace Day.

His homily was dedicated to his message for the world day, which focused on combating poverty as a means to achieving peace.

The Holy Father noted the distinction between evangelical poverty and the poverty "that God doesn't want," making an invitation to fight the latter with the former.

The Pontiff explained that in becoming man, Jesus wanted to be poor: "The birth of Jesus in Bethlehem reveals to us that God chose poverty for himself in his coming to be among us. Love for us has moved Jesus not only to become man, but to become poor."

Nevertheless, he continued, there is "a poverty, an indigence, that God does not want and that must be fought."

This, the Bishop of Rome said, is "a poverty that impedes people and families from living according to their dignity, a poverty that offends justice and equality, and as such, threatens peaceful coexistence."

He affirmed that such poverty is not just material, but also includes the forms of poverty found in rich and developed nations: phenomena such as marginalization and relational, moral and spiritual misery.

Globalizing solidarity

Benedict XVI said this poverty is reflected in things such as pandemic infirmity, the poverty of children and the food crisis. And the solution, he said, requires nations to "maintain a high level of solidarity."

The Pope specifically denounced the arms race, which he defined as "unacceptable" and "against human rights."

He went on to suggest that the current economic crisis implies a test: "Are we prepared to read it, in its complexity, as a challenge for the future, and not just an emergency to give short-term answers? Are we ready to do together a deep review of the dominant model of development, to correct it in a systematic and long-term way?"

"This is demanded, in reality, beyond the immediate financial difficulties, by the ecological state of health of the planet and, above all, the moral and cultural crisis, whose symptoms have been evident for some time now all over the world," the Holy Father continued.

School of life

He thus made a call for a "virtuous circle" between the poverty "to be chosen" and the poverty "to be fought," such that "to combat iniquitous poverty, which oppresses so many man and women and threatens everyone's peace, it is necessary to rediscover sobriety and solidarity, as evangelical values that are at the same time universal."

"Misery cannot be efficaciously fought, if there is no attempt to 'make equality,' reducing the unevenness between those who waste the superfluous, and those who don't even have the necessary," the Pontiff said.

He affirmed: "The poverty of the birth of Christ in Bethlehem, besides an object of adoration for Christians, is also a school of life for man. It teaches us that to combat misery, both material and spiritual, the path to take is that of solidarity, which has moved Jesus to share our human condition."

Christ brings a "peaceful revolution," Benedict XVI affirmed, "not ideological, but spiritual, not utopian, but real, and because of this, requiring infinite patience, perhaps a very long time, avoiding every break and taking the most difficult path: the path of consciences maturing in responsibility."

So, true 'poverty' is one where we as humans are bereft of moral dignity and truth; the other poverty - one which cleanses us and keeps our lives simple, our hearts pure, and our minds sharp - is to live with few material amenities: the poverty into which God chose to become Incarnate - with Mary and Joseph - a simple life of material poverty, but one which was abundant in love, truth, and service.



Here's Pope Benedict on the Holy Family and family life:

Pontiff: Family Reveals Nature of God
Says It Manifests Gratuitous Love

VATICAN CITY, JAN. 1, 2009 (Zenit.org).- On the feast of the Holy Family, Benedict XVI said that families reveal what God himself is: love.

The Pope affirmed this during the address he gave before praying the midday Angelus last Sunday in St. Peter's Square.

"Jesus," the Holy Father noted, "wanted to be born and grow up in a human family; he wanted the Virgin Mary to be his mom and Joseph to fulfill the role of father. They raised and educated him with immense love."

He said that Jesus' family "truly merits the title of 'holy,' since it is entirely focused on the desire of fulfilling the will of God, incarnated in the adorable presence of Jesus."

Alike and different

The Pontiff went on to suggest that the Holy Family is both alike and different than other families.

"In one sense it is a family like all others, and as such, it is a model of conjugal love, collaboration, sacrifice, confidence in divine providence, a spirit of work and solidarity," he said. "At the same time, though, the family of Nazareth is unique, different from all others, because of its singular vocation, linked to the mission of the Son of God.

"Precisely because of its unique character, it presents to every family, and in the first place to Christian families, the horizon of God, the sweet and demanding priority of his will, the perspective of heaven, to which we are destined."

Benedict XVI continued: "The family is certainly a grace from God, which reveals what he, himself, is: love. A love that is entirely gratuitous, that sustains fidelity without limits, even in the moments of difficulty or dejection. [...]

"Dear families, do not allow the love, openness to life, and the incomparable bonds that unite your homes to be spoiled. Ask this constantly of the Lord, pray together, so that your resolutions are enlightened by faith and extolled by divine grace in the path toward sanctity."

He assured that "the Pope is at your side, praying especially to the Lord for those in each family who have greatest need of health, work, consolation and company."

And the Holy Father urged the faithful to pray for the upcoming World Meeting of Families, scheduled for Jan. 14-18 in Mexico City.

"Let us pray starting now for this important ecclesial event," he said, "and entrust to the Lord every family, especially those most tried by the difficulties of life and the wounds of misunderstanding and division."