Saintly wisdom

"If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire. Let the truth be your delight....proclaim it...but with a certain congeniality."

-Saint Catherine of Siena

Projects, projects, projects

In this regard, I am very much my Mother's daughter. She had so many projects on hand and so many things to keep her busy; one thing she said often was "Cynthia, I have so much work to do, how will ever get anything done?!". Mom enjoyed being with people, serving them, spending time grandkids (probably her favorite one), quilting, knitting, making cards, sewing, gardening, baking, cooking, you name any domestic skill, project or craft and Mother would love to be part of it. Now, my dear Mother was a perfectionist, which is an especially good attribute when it comes to making things. And that is one area I am trying to improve on because it certainly does not come naturally for me!

When I was in college I started knitting and Mom got into it with me. She drove down to St. Peter several times when I was a sophomore and we took a class together that taught us how to make a rambling knitted blanket. My latest project I finished is a little sweater for Jude. It turned out well, although babies grow so fast he will probably only wear it a few months which is fine. There are so many other fun projects to start that I find myself a bit overwhelmed thinking about them! This reminds me of Mom.

Just even in these last few months since Mom died, I do enjoy these projects because it reminds me of doing things with her and I feel close to her as I work on them. She made a gorgeous baby quilt that we use every day for Jude. I believe Mom started quilting because Grandma Ruby Lee made quilts. We still use the colorful square baby quilt that Grandma Ruby Lee made for me when I was a baby. I like to think that a person is giving a little bit of themselves in these projects with the time, effort and love they take put into them.

Little Carmen?

It is fun to track how the kids' looks change as they get older and how they look like different family members. We have wondered since Jude was born, "Who is this little guy going to look like?". At first we thought he might resemble Uncle Travis. Currently, I am of the opinion that he looks like Grandpa's kid pictures. Grandpa is probably about 1 year old in the picture, and Jude is only 5 months....but I believe I do see some resemblance. They certainly both have big smiles that capture an audience! I must say, I am glad I have the more modern cloth diapers to work with than the one's Grandma Ruby Lee had for my father! :)

Happy Birthday, Dad

This picture says it all, Dad. You're the best.

Under Arrest

Things to come

Mike brought these flowers home last night and I love this rose. Thank you dear husband!

March for Life

Today is the anniversary of Roe v.s. Wade, one of the more sad events of the last century. Really. Every year there is the March for Life in Washington D.C. I would love to go to this someday and take Faustina to participate. Abortion is one of the more controversial issues and, often, it is a very difficult topic to discuss with people who are pro-abortion. They, of course, argue that they are for life (I don't doubt they are) and want to reduce abortions, but they say that there are more pressing issues. But what can be more pressing than defending the most innocent and vulnerable, those in the womb? There is nothing more important than allowing LIFE to EXIST. It is heartbreaking to think of the 40 million little people who have been killed the last 37 years. Last week I saw an article in The Onion (a spoof newspaper) which had an article: "New Law: every pregnant woman must name their baby and paint the baby's room before she has an abortion". Sometimes cynical humor speaks truth the loudest!

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In an entirely different and real publication, I found the following astonishing article. It is one of my favorite stories on the topic of abortion and a must read (and not very long). God works in mysterious way.

Madrid, Nov 12, 2008 / 09:21 pm (CNA).- The Spanish daily “La Razon” has published an article on the pro-life conversion of a former “champion of abortion.” Stojan Adasevic, who performed 48,000 abortions, sometimes up to 35 per day, is now the most important pro-life leader in Serbia, after 26 years as the most renowned abortion doctor in the country.

“The medical textbooks of the Communist regime said abortion was simply the removal of a blob of tissue,” the newspaper reported. “Ultrasounds allowing the fetus to be seen did not arrive until the 80s, but they did not change his opinion. Nevertheless, he began to have nightmares.”

In describing his conversion, Adasevic “dreamed about a beautiful field full of children and young people who were playing and laughing, from 4 to 24 years of age, but who ran away from him in fear. A man dressed in a black and white habit stared at him in silence. The dream was repeated each night and he would wake up in a cold sweat. One night he asked the man in black and white who he was. ‘My name is Thomas Aquinas,’ the man in his dream responded. Adasevic, educated in communist schools, had never heard of the Dominican genius saint. He didn’t recognize the name” [woah....]

“Why don’t you ask me who these children are?” St. Thomas asked Adasevic in his dream.

“They are the ones you killed with your abortions,’ St. Thomas told him.

“Adasevic awoke in amazement and decided not to perform any more abortions,” the article stated.

“That same day a cousin came to the hospital with his four months-pregnant girlfriend, who wanted to get her ninth abortion—something quite frequent in the countries of the Soviet bloc. The doctor agreed. Instead of removing the fetus piece by piece, he decided to chop it up and remove it as a mass. However, the baby’s heart came out still beating. Adasevic realized then that he had killed a human being,” [Good Lord. How terrible, but how wonderfully the Holy Ghost indicted this man and converted him.]

After this experience, Adasevic “told the hospital he would no longer perform abortions. Never before had a doctor in Communist Yugoslavia refused to do so. They cut his salary in half, fired his daughter from her job, and did not allow his son to enter the university.”

After years of pressure and on the verge of giving up, he had another dream about St. Thomas.

“You are my good friend, keep going,’ the man in black and white told him. Adasevic became involved in the pro-life movement and was able to get Yugoslav television to air the film ‘The Silent Scream,’ by Doctor Bernard Nathanson, two times.”

Adasevic has told his story in magazines and newspapers throughout Eastern Europe. He has returned to the Orthodox faith of his childhood and has studied the writings of St. Thomas Aquinas.

“Influenced by Aristotle, Thomas wrote that human life begins forty days after fertilization,” Adasevic wrote in one article. La Razon commented that Adasevic “suggests that perhaps the saint wanted to make amends for that error.” Today the Serbian doctor continues to fight for the lives of the unborn.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,

From the fear of being humiliated,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,

That others maybe loved more than I,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should.

-Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val

This is a wonderful prayer that I have grown to love. I remember when I first read it, I thought, "What....come one. Isn't that a little extreme!?" But I don't think it is. If pride is the fall of man, well, humility is what I need to strive for every minute!! It truly is amazing, when I take time to think about it, how self-centered I am. Really, when I am unconscious of it, I naturally want life to revolve around my own desires and me. Having children, now, it is almost comical to see how human beings are wired to be self-centered. True humility is one solution to solve this problem.

Last night after Mike and I had a long conversation, I was able to see error in my thinking about a certain topic. Thank goodness for a such a patient husband to correct me when I am mistaken! Hopefully, I always have the humility to listen to him. ;)

Close ties, hard and joyful times

Six years ago, I spent a year in Seattle in the Jesuit Volunteer Corp (JVC). It was a year filled with much learning and forming of different relationships. It, actually, was probably a 5th year of college without the homework....! :) I lived in a house with five women and we had no real responsibilities except our jobs serving those less fortunate than us. And, it certainly was a very different world we stepped into as we served. I am especially thinking about this year I had in Seattle as I read Dorothy Day. It was frustrating to leave that year feeling that I had accomplished nothing and had no affect on the people I served at The Wintonia (a low-income housing complex). I had befriended the residents there, but that was about it. Dorothy Day says the only thing we can really do for the poor is love them, we can't change them and shouldn't necessarily try to. I can see the truth in this, but somehow it is still hard to be okay with feeling useless.

Although each of us girls from JVC have gone our own direction and we live far away from each other (Seattle, Philly, MN, WI), we continue to be able to support each other in our walks. In the past six months, among the five of us there have been 3 weddings, 2 parents of us have died and a third parent may only have a few weeks left.

Just yesterday, Bridget had her Mother's funeral in Philly. Meg was married in Milwaukee; she actually moved the wedding up 5 months so that her Dad could attend since he has aggressive cancer. Unfortunately, he had to go into the hospital last week and he was unable to be there. Maria, from Seattle, was able to be at Meg's wedding (the only non-family member since it was a quick change in wedding plans). Bridget flew in for one day just to be here for my Mother's funeral. And Maria flew down to Flordia to be with Bridget while her Mother died. I am thankful for this circle of support we have.

I especially lift up Jim Hoffman, Meg's father, in prayer as he currently battles cancer. Lord God, please be with Jim and his family and pour out on them your grace. Amen.

"I desire to do your will"

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you, and I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, I will trust you always. Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my peril alone.
Thomas Merton 1915-1968

I think this prayer beautifully captures the walk of faith as a person ardently desires to pursue God yet is unsure of how to do so. A relative posted this in the comment section on my Dad's blog. A good prayer to remember.

Life at 2006 Morgan has been laid up with me being sick this whole week, and a very busy work schedule for Mike. I have not left the house in four days! Actually, it is probably okay to be sick every so often so that I remember to be grateful for good health.

Yesterday afternoon I took a short nap with Jude and I woke up with just a wicked nasty ear ache. I've never had a ear infection before and this was brutal. I felt like my head was going to explode with pressure. I called the nurse line and she was not very helpful; I did not want to go into urgent care. Mike came home and prayed over my ear. I laid down and I thought "I should try some wheatgrass and see if that would help. It certainly cannot hurt." So Mike juiced wheatgrass for me. I kid you not, within 3 minutes my sore throat vanished. And then after about 15 minutes the pain in my ear went away, although it still has not popped. People would think I am crazy for sure, but I know the wheatgrass did the job. Mom must have been praying for me! It was funny because even though Mom wasn't here with me, I felt like she was walking with me in my thoughts. She wasn't here, but she really was here! Hopefully, the kids don't get this nasty cold and I am ready to be done with it.

Uncle Travis

Uncle Travis is a celebrity here in our house. In fact, Faustina is talking about Uncle Travis in her crib right now as I type this. She LOVES him and talks about him everyday, even when she has not seen him in a long time! She says to me: 'Uncle Travis wants strawberries. Uncle Travis home (while pointing to the door). Uncle Travis downstairs.' The other day I pointed to a picture of Jesus on our wall. I asked her who was in the picture (expecting her usual quick answer of Jesus), she replied "Uncle Travis!" and looked at me and giggled uncontrollably. I told her that Uncle Travis is a wonderful person and we love him very much, but he is not Jesus! She looked at me and kept laughing.

Great progress

I am absolutely thrilled with Faustina's progress in potty training. This week we have spent the mornings from about 8-noon in training pants. No accidents (there was one late at night) and today she both went number two and went by herself without any help at all! Wow! Not only this area, but it is just fun to see her doing all sorts of new things: stringing phrases together, wanting to read all the time, trying to put her own clothes on etc. It is all very fun to watch. I am stunned at all she is able do at only 19 months!

Being a living mystery

"That calling from God, the attempt in obedience to follow Christ, does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in a being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist." -Dorothy Day

I am currently reading articles and essays by Dorothy Day, a truly saintly woman. I am completely taken by her writing and insight. It it captivating, philosophic, humble, and simple but still radical; she has a way of plainly stating the truth that jolts my mind to see reality in a new light and inspires me to be a better person. I knew little about her before, and to me she seems to be a mix of a modern day Augustine, an America's Mother Theresa, and John Richard Neuhaus. It can be a bit overwhelming to wrap one's mind around her life story of early rebel years, love for the poor, love for the Church, intellect, social work, awareness of injustice and those who suffer, and the list goes on.

I went to my hour of adoration last night (praying at our local church before the Eucharist) and I sat and wondered "How do these people do it???! How do they know what to say and how to act ALL the time? How are they so full of wisdom? They have story after amazing story of grace and the Lord working powerfully in their own and others' lives!" How does a figure like Dorothy Day essentially squander the first 25 years of her life away (she had many love affairs, was never married but had one abortion and one child out of wedlock, ran with the wrong crowds, etc), convert, and then go on to make such an incredible mark on the 21st century?

As I began praying the rosary, the Lord gave a clear answer to me regarding my question. These people, a Dorothy Day individual prayed - a lot. Dorothy Day relates how she made sure to pray for several hours a day. She attended daily mass, said the rosary, prayed before the Eucharist and prayed throughout the day. It didn't matter how busy she was, prayer was most important, her first priority. I meditated on the sorrowful mysteries as I said a scriptural rosary. The first sorrowful mystery is The Agony in the Garden. Here are the ten short scriptural passages:
1. Jesus came with them to Gethsemane. And sadness came over him, and great distress. Matt 26:36
2. Then he said,"My soul is sorrowful to the point of death. Wait here and keep awake with me." Matt 26: 38
3. Then he withdrew from them and knelt down and prayed. Luke22:41
4. "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me. Nevertheless, let your will be done, not mine.' Luke 22:42
5. Then an angel appeared to him, coming from heaven to give him strength. Luke 22:43
6. In his anguish he prayed even more earnestly. Luke 22:44
7. And his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood. Luke 22:44
8. Then he came back to his disciples and found them sleeping, and he said, 'So you had not the strength to keep awake with me one hour?' Matt 26: 40
9. 'You should be awake, and praying not to be put to the test.' Matt 26:41
10. 'The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.' Matt 26:41

Jesus was praying, the angel came down to give him strength, and then he prayed even HARDER! All the while, the disciples were sleeping. Jesus says they should be praying so that they would not be put to the test. While reading this, it struck me that I often pray for people, situations, or whatever I KNOW about and can concretely ask for. And I ought to pray so that I am not put to the test during my days. So that I will be filled with grace, wisdom, patience, love, everything GOOD so that I know how to respond to situations throughout my day.

And then as I continued to pray the rosary, it was heartwrenching to mediate on the suffering Jesus endured. As difficult as it was, he had prayed and God's grace was sufficient for him.

I recall a conversation I had a long time ago with a mother who said it just was too difficult to get 'sit-down' prayer time in. This friend had concluded that simply being a mother and all the tasks that are involved are a prayer in themselves. I agree that it is hard to be disciplined enough to sit still, be quiet and pray and also that work is a sort of prayer. But I am convinced that quiet prayer times are, in fact, necessary. To be intentional, to worship, to read scripture, to talk to God and most importantly (probably) to listen is essential in being God's instrument here on earth. It is an action that, perhaps, can take me one step closer to being a woman like Dorothy Day, a living mystery.

First favorite book

Every kid has a favorite book. They probably switch over time, but I remember the books I loved while I was growing up. Faustina is so into reading she is asking us to read every other minute. For instance now, she is saying to me 'Read book. Now.' And her favorite is Richard Scarry's 'Peasant Pig and the Terrible Dragon'. It, actually, really is a cute book with a good story. It is fairly long and she'll sit through the whole book (sometimes! not all the time). Again, she is in her 'undies' as we practice potty training...this is not her normal apparel!

Rock stars

Back in the old days (actually not really that long ago! :) Michael's close friends knew how much he enjoyed rock music.....maybe even music that was a bit heavier....! So our wonderful sister-in-law could not resist picking up these adorable shirts for the kids. "My Dad Rocks". This is still true in the fact that he is such a FABULOUS father AND the fact that his favorite place in the world is a rocking chair! ;)

Teething troubles

Our sweet smiley boy has turned into a squealer little boy in pain and he suffers through his gums hurting. Who knows when his cute little teeth will finally arrive, but he sure is in agony....

2 k ten lobster fest

2010 is officially here; it has been for 5 days already! The question is: Are you going to say it is 'twenty-ten' or 'two thousand ten'? Travis says it is 'two k ten' - I like that best.

We brought in the New Year in a fairly quiet fashion this year. We hung out at Dad's place with Dad and Travis. Dad purchased lobster tails and let me tell you: They were AMAZING. At first, Dad wouldn't tell me how much they were...when he did I felt like I was eating large dollar bills! It probably was the best seafood I've ever had, at a restaurant or anywhere. Dad made them perfectly and they were unbelievable. We watched the Gopher football game (lose) and went home pretty early. We were in bed by 10pm. It may be our New Year's resolution to go to bed so early, it was wonderful!