Coming out of the fog

For the last 2 months I have basically felt like this:


I wish I looked and felt as heavenly as this picture:

This is a normal morning at home as Faustina is eating cereal. She simply cannot get enough of her dresses. Auntie found this beautiful dress for a few dollars for Faustina.

Just now I am starting to come out of a 'having a newborn' fog and starting to feel that perhaps I remember what it is like to be a normal person again. People have been so helpful and generous - we are so very grateful. Life is busy here with day to day activities. I am in the stage that there is always much to do around the house, but my hands are full with - Benedict!

Jude and Faustina are good; just a few days ago I was thinking to myself how yes, they still are toddlers, but they seem more and more like young kids each day. There certainly is a difference. The few months before Benedict was born, Faustina and Jude were unusually difficult and would act up at the drop of the hat. They knew some change was quickly coming as Mom's tummy grew. Now, after Benedict was born, they have returned to themselves and actually are even easier than before - fascinating!

As I think about life moving forward and the fact the kids are so young and close, Benedict's face captures a fleeting thought:


But I take each day as it comes and it all turns out. I am getting plenty of sleep at night which is incredibly helpful.

Welcome, Benedict Joseph!

Merry Christmas!
Benedict Joseph was born at 1:17 a.m. on Christmas Eve.
Specs: 8 lbs. 9 oz. / 21 in. long / 13 in. head circumference
Both mom and baby are well and we hope they'll be home this evening.
Jude and Faustina anxiously await their arrival! Deo gratias!
Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Blessings to you and yours on this Christmas day!

Part I: Homebirth

Yes, Jude Michael was, in fact, born here at home! It was absolutely wonderful. I am so lucky to have a husband who was open to it and supportive.

My contractions started Monday evening around 7:30pm. They were fairly minor, but I already had the feeling that this baby would come early, so I was ready anytime for Jude to come. I called my midwife, Kim, and told her I would keep her posted. I took a hot bath, said a rosary, and went to bed.

3:30am rolled around and I was no longer able to sleep with the contractions. I got up and did some minor things around the house, read a bit, ate a whole cantalope melon and started getting excited - I knew this baby was coming today. I called Kim at 5am and she said she was going to head over. I went to tell Mike the midwife was on the way over and that he should start to fill the birth tub that was already set up in the basement.

It felt like Christmas morning. It was early in the morning and I had great anticipation for what the day would bring. I walked outside where it was a cool crisp morning. The stars were out and the moon was just a sliver. Everyone was busy and excited doing different things around the house while I was relaxing and waiting to see what would happen. Faustina got up around 7am and was running around being very cute and making people laugh. I know, this sounds like a good movie - and it felt like it! Here is a picture of Faustina and I an hour and a half before Jude came.

Mike took Faustina over to our generous friends the Grams house and a few minutes later my Mom came over. And this is when contractions started getting harder. With my Mom's arrival, I was able to relax and it is as if my body said, "Okay, you are ready to have this baby.". By the time Mike got back from dropping Faustina off 15 minutes later, I was downstairs in the birthing tub.

At this point there was about 45 minutes until Jude was born. The environment was perfect: I had my husband and Mom right there rocking in lazy boy chairs (!), 3 incredible midwives to dote on me, I was comfortable in my own home, I had a candle burning, and I had Mike bring down my favorite picture of Mary and Jesus that I could concentrate on during contractions - what more could I ask for! I felt like I was getting ready for a championship soccer game or studying hard for a test and I WAS ready.

Jude was born and and the classic "It is a boy!" came out of Mike's mouth. Holding him for the 15 minutes in the pool will forever be tattoed in my memory - it was just one of those unforgettable experiences. We were not surprised Jude was a boy; in fact, about halfway through the pregnancy we were 99% convinced he was a boy and soon after I just knew he was a 'Jude'. I didn't even really think of him as 'the baby' - I thought of him as 'Jude'. It was just one of those things. Here is out beautiful baby boy saying hello to us for the first time!

Part II: birthing the placenta

So the birth of Jude was perfect; the birth of my placenta, however, was a bit more complicated. It did not want to come out. I was not having contractions and a few shots of Pitocin (birth/contraction inducer) did nothing to help.

The midwives decided it was best to go into the hospital. We called an ambulance because I was a bit 'messy' as you can imagine. It, actually, was quite comical. The ambulance arrived in a hurry and I simply walked outside to get in and they wondered "Where is the lady who gave birth?" I replied, "Here I am." They were a bit shocked because I was totally normal and perhaps even a bit annoyed at having to go to the hospital. Mike got in with me and we headed over to United. We chatted with the emergency guys along the way.




The three midwives and my Mom packed up Jude and headed over to the hospital in cars and met us there. It was turning into a mini adventure.

Well, the rest of the afternoon was quite busy. The doctors quickly determined that my placenta was not going to come out on its own - I would have to have it surgically removed. I am not going to lie, I had more pain when the docs were trying to get the placenta out than when I was in labor! The doctors had to manually remove it; no cutting etc. was done - thank God.

Surgery went fine and around 3pm I was done with everything and in recovery mode. We stayed at the hospital for the next 2 days since I had lost a significant amount of blood in the process. We are thankful that the Lord was watching over us as there was some danger involved, albeit somewhat routine.

I must say, I would not change anything at all about the entire experience... except the placenta problem, of course. I am bummed that I won't be able to have another homebirth. There is a 90% chance that the placenta would not naturally extract from the uteran wall again, so to be safe we will have all the rest of our babies in the hospital. At the same time, the Lord was SO present in everything and for that I am grateful. There certainly were moments that were more scary (I lost a bit of blood), but in those times there was a special grace present. Even going to the hospital, I was able to be lighthearted, have patience with doc/nurses, and I was able to trust in God's providence the whole time. Thank you Lord for a healthy baby and your protection over the entire experience!

Bilirubin count too low...

We were about to take Faustina home, but here "bilirubin" count was too low. So Faustina had to go "under the lights" for a number of hours to right this problem. Here are some funny photos. She looks like she's in a tanning bed!

Week 1 photos...

Here are some of the earliest photos of Faustina in the hospital.

About my name...

We named Faustina after the Polish nun, mystic, and saint, Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska. Saint Faustina is known as the saint of "Divine Mercy". When we went to the hospital we had a short list of names for girls: Geneveve, Olivia, Loretta, and Penelope (also Lucy and Julia); but after she was born about an hour, Cynthia just started calling her "Faustina". We both really liked it right away. For some time, her middle name was "Maria" after virtually every female's middle name in both of our families! Naturally, we changed it to honor my mother, Elaine.

Her name originates in Latin and means: "fortunate, blessed, or auspicious".

Her middle name as stated above is in honor of her grandmother, Elaine Marie, who passed away on June 22, 2003 after a second bout of cancer. Her grandmother exhibited great virtue of faith and she was an anchor of family life. Faustina will be baptized at the Cathedral of St. Paul on June 22 in honor of Elaine. There is rich Christian symbolism here regarding Baptism. In Baptism, we are brought into the mystery of Christ's death and resurrection, thus symbolizing a birth to new life. As one can see, Elaine's death coincides both to Faustina's Christening into her new life with the Lord, as well as her own birth into eternal life with God. One day Elaine's body will be resurrected (with us all) and we will again be restored into life with the Holy Trinity as intended "in the beginning" (Gen. 1:1).

Enough theology, back to the name...
Elaine is a form of the Greek name Helen, which means "light, torch, or beacon".

Essentially, Faustina's first and middle name can mean "auspicious light"; we certainly hope she is such in our broken world!

NB: read all about the Divine Mercy devotion here.

Deo gratias!