Triumph of the Cross

Today marks the one year anniversary of my Mother's death, and I know it is no coincidence that she died on the feast day of the Triumph of the Cross.

Emotions have been very close to the surface this whole past week. The second week of September '09 is so very very vivid in my mind, it might as well have been yesterday. Actually, I believe it always will be that vivid; it almost seems like an out of body experience. It sounds strange, but it was very life changing. All the last interactions with my Mom, seeing her suffer, caring for her, and grappling with losing her, well, I can relive it at will because it is all so clear in my mind. It is hard, but it is good too. It is part of still grieving for her, and it is very human.

I was searching for the right picture for this entry and I like this one. It brings to my mind the Communion of Saints surrounding the Cross - and that is where I think of my Mom. My Mom's death continually helps me keep this life in perspective. This life is short, it is a good life, I want to serve as she did, love my family as she did, but ultimately live for God. We all will die - it is inevitable (I never used to think about death!).

Yesterday I spent a few hours at the cemetery. I prayed and I read St. Teresa of Avila's book "Interior Castle". St. Teresa has had a special place in my heart this last year since I watched the 9 hour movie on her with my Mom the last week before she died and my Mom was also reading her book during '09. St. Teresa writes:

"I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions. Now if we think carefully over this, the soul of the righteous man is nothing but a paradise, in which as God tells us, He takes His delight. For what do you think a room will be like which is the delight of a King so mighty, so wise, so pure and so full of all that is good? I can find nothing with which to compare the great beauty of a soul and its great capacity."

Please intercede for us, Mom! We miss you.

A new side to the State Fair

We all enjoyed going to the fair the first Saturday. We went hungry and we left absolutely stuffed with about 10 different kinds of food including sandwiches, roasted corn, lemonade, gyros, and of course, sweet martha's cookies (which were way too sweet for me this year!). Here is a picture of Jude with his cookies and milk - the classic combo.

Our time was limited due to the kids' ages and how much they can handle. We walked around for a few hours, used our coupon book to get the famous foods and then were out of there around 1pm. Both Jude and Faustina were ready for their naps, as you can see in this picture.


The new side to the fair this year was the fact that I was an employee! This was my Dad's fourth year working in one of the parking lots. He worked with Mom the first two years, Travis last year, and this year I did it. It was a bit grueling as the hours were 6pm-6am and the last few days were the hardest; but, considering I was taking care of kids during the day, it wasn't as bad as I expected. We were basically just security, so the hardest part was staying awake. We had a little t.v. so I watched some of my favorites such as the BBC Pride & Prejudice, The Sounds of Music, The Godfather, and I Love Lucy. I read a lot and was able to work on and finish a few knitting projects. I am probably a bit crazy, but I like to those kind of mundane mindless types of jobs and I was able to get some things done! Here is the sheep sweater I was able to finish for Jude. It should fit him through the winter I hope.

St. Joseph's Oratory

Our last day in Montreal we spent exploring St. Joseph's Oratory. St. Joseph's Oratory is on the highest hill in Montreal looking over the city, it really is a marvelous building. The outside of it reminds me a bit of the Cathedral here in St. Paul, MN.

This is a statue of Blessed Brother Andre ('blessed' meaning he is in the process of being canonized). He is the remarkable man behind St. Joseph's Oratory. His story is one that ranks him among the most beloved saints. He was born in the late nineteenth century; he was the 8th child of 12. He was baptized the day he was born since no one thought he would live more than a few days. His whole life he was ailed by illness and frailty (although he lived into his 80's!); for many years he was denied the opportunity to become a priest or monk because of physical weakness. He would be a burden. But Brother Andre persevered, and God performed many miracles through him.

This is a picture of Brother Andre's heart in the Oratory. Amazing!

Brother Andre healed so many people during the 1920's and 30's that people began leaving their canes at the Oratory as a witness to healing. There is no officially recorded number of people that he healed, but it is said to be in the several thousands. People were coming from all over Canada to see him. Brother Andre had a special devotion to St. Joseph and he attributed all healings to the intercession of St. Joseph.

I was fairly emotional as we visited the Oratory. My parents visited St. Joseph's in the fall of '07 when they went on their 7 week trip into Canada. My Mother loved this place and told me all about it. She came back and insisted that Mike and I would have to go some time. And here we were. I understand why she loved Brother Andre's story so much.

Jude helped us drive back over the boarder into the U. S. of A. (not really, we're waiting to get our passports checked here). We thoroughly enjoyed Canada, but it is always refreshing to come back to home sweet home!

Montreal

Montreal was our destination and by far our favorite place. We mainly walked around, ate at a few restaurants, and checked out all the beautiful churches. And these churches were truly incredibly. In many ways, they were on par with the famous churches in Rome. Again, the pictures pretty much say it all.

This was the first Church, called The Church of Gesu, we happened to walk in off the street when we first were in town, and it ended up being my favorite. They had many MANY saints' relic in the side chapels. It had an adoration space for the Shroud of Turin. And the art work was gorgeous. All the walls and ceilings had paintings of the life of Christ and the Saints, but it looked like a pencil drawing. It was quite unique and I really loved it.
Here is one of the side chapels with Saints' relics.
We went to mass here at Our Lady of Notre Dame Basilica. Although the mass was in french, the wonderful thing about the Catholic liturgy is that mass is the same everywhere in the world. Even though we didn't understand the words, we knew everything that was happening. This Church is spectacular!

We went on a carriage ride around the Old Montreal downtown area and got a bit of a history lesson.
We were mesmerized for quite awhile by this street entertainer.
Of course, we had to enjoy the pool and luxuries of our hotel stay!

Weekend at the Cabin

This weekend we were fortunate to be able to spend time near Detroit Lakes with our friends the Toenjes'. They have a wonderfully peaceful 80 acres of land with a delightful cabin (more of a house).

Mike was able to discover the joy of ATVs. They really are fun!

We learned that Jude can have an uncanny resemblance to Chris Farley!

And we found that while Jude loves boat rides, Faustina is not quite so sure....

We had a great time and now it is back to the grind. The new school year is upon us and Mike is as busy as can be.

Ottawa

We spent 2 days exploring Ottawa which is the capital of Canada. It very much has a European feel to it. Most people are bilingual speaking French and English; everyone (in the downtown area) was busy, thin, and dressed up. It has a magnificent parliament which is the focal point of the downtown.We walked around a lot, Faustina had a bit of meltdown for awhile since she was tired; Jude slept in the backpack.

We stopped at a playground for awhile and there happened to be an Eastern Orthodox Church next to the park. We checked it out and talked to the priest for awhile. Orthodox churches always have such gorgeous icons and art work.


We ate at an Italian Trattoria in what is called the "Little Italy" area and it was spectacular. This place had homemade noodles and the whole bit. We thoroughly enjoyed it.

Then we spent half a day at the Museum of Civilizations. It was just okay. They had a huge play area for kids. Mike and I are probably old fogies as we think that play stuff for kids can be...kind of lame. But it is suppose to be the best museum in Ottawa so we gave it a try. Mike helped Faustina build a boat in the craft area.

Back to our trip!

It is hard to believe that we went on our family road trip a month ago already!

A few nights ago we cleaned up our basement and put the computer down here so it feels like our house size has doubled! Not to mentioned that blogging is much easier which is why I am now motivated.

Our journey through Michigan's Upper Peninsula was enjoyable. It reminds me very much of the North Shore. We stopped at our absolute favorite restaurant in Michigan called Jeanne's Cafe. This food is amazing; it is one of those places that looks like a hole in the wall but it is a goldmine of food excellence! Everything is made from scratch - it really is gourmet cooking. Mike had a pasty (pronounced pass-tee)and I had my fish and chips. Their coleslaw is the best and their homemade pies are to die for.


We had a pizza dinner in Mackinaw and then walked around the tourist area for a few hours. We have grown fond of Mackinaw since we spent several days there last summer and enjoyed our time.

We got up early the next morning and headed north to Sault Ste. Marie on the border of Canada and Michigan. We arrived early in the morning, had a good breakfast at a local cafe and then found a wonderful orthodox mass at 8am. Afterward we headed over to a park across the street to relax for a bit. As I was cleaning out the car we chatted with a neighbor who lived there for forty years and we heard all about Sault Ste. Marie and the changes that have taken place over the years.

We ventured into Canada and we immediately knew we were in a different country. It had a different feel to it. The country side was vast and there was NOTHING in between small small towns. These small towns were few and very far between and a town could consist of 10 houses and one gas station. The U.S. has small towns but you usually don't drive more than 30 miles before you come to another town.

In the middle of the day we stopped in a bigger town that happened to be having an old car show. It was fun to see the vintage cars and we spent about 3 hours in a bar with the kids watching the championship World Cup game. Everyone in the bar took quite a liking to the kids. Faustina played with the pool table while we chatted with a woman drinking several Budlights, she used a cane, had a lazy eye and a missing tooth. It was quite an experience!


To pass time during our drive I read "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" aloud. We listened to music and several Catholic Lighthouse media cd's. We listened to one talk by Scott Hahn and were completely taken in by a new revelation (to us) about what Christ meant in the garden when he said, "Take this CUP from me". Hahn explained how in the Jewish passover there are four different times when a cup is passed around for all to drink from. During the Last Supper, Christ did not take a sip from the cup the fourth round. In the garden, when he was saying 'Take this cup from me' - he actually IS the cup as he knows he is on his way to sacrificing his life for humanity. Christ is the fourth cup since he is the sacrificial lamb. Anyway, Hahn obviously explains it much more clearly and it is fascinating.


Because we were so engrossed in this theological explanation, we did not fill up our gas tank during the evening and in Canada gas station close at 8pm on Sundays!! So around 11:30 am we were intensely praying a rosary (I kid you not) so that first of all we would not get stranded in the middle of NOWHERE and have bears come maul our car and secondly that we could find gas somewhere. I mean, we were fearing that the van would die in the middle of the highway in the pitch black where you can see your hand in front of your face - no exaggeration. We were denied at several locations and then at 12:30am as a last ditch effort we knocked on a house door by the highway in the country. After a few minutes an older man came out in his underwear (!) and was very friendly. He gave a us 1/2 tank of gas and we gave him all the cash we had on us (only $19.00!). Our prayers were heard and we made it into the outskirts of Ottawa around 3am and stayed at a Holiday Inn.

Faustina and Jude woke up in the morning and were as happy and could be; we could have used a few more hours of sleep!

Birthday boy with his cake

Tonight we celebrated Jude's birthday with family and friends. We enjoyed a Mexican meal with Mike's favorite enchiladas - Jude liked them too! He thoroughly enjoyed his chocolate birthday cake and a bath was in order directly afterward. As you can see, he had no reservations!

Our son on his first birthday

It was one year ago that our little boy was born; since Grandma Lee was here to greet Jude and he was born at home, his birth truly was a spectacular event.


What is there to say about Jude? These pictures explain his personality far better than I could ever attempt. It is hard to pick out pictures of him because he is so happy in all of them! Any time we look at him or say his name, he returns our attention with an enormous smile.


Our Jude is the most joyful and the most gentle little person I have known. Really! He is! We love him so much and are so proud of him.

His smile, his chubby legs, his round blue eyes, and his soft jolly belly just beg a person to hold him and cuddle him.

We love you Jude and may the Lord bless you this next year!

The rich man went away sad

I find that it is so easy to become 'comfortable' with all the possessions I am blessed with. Most of the time, my blessings seem to result in me wanting more! It is easy to be disappointed or sad if things to do not go my way. Today's gospel is the parable of Jesus asking the rich young man to sell his possessions; the rich man chose to keep his possessions instead of following Christ. I was struck by a reflection on this parable about the fact that the rich man went away sad.

"He became sad at exchanging the chance of eternal life for a handful of dust. He preferred to keep his dust, his wealth instead of choosing the imperishable gift offered by Christ. Sadness does a good deal of harm to the soul. Like a moth in clothing, or a maggot in wood, sorrow gnaws at the human heart, and predisposes one to evil. We have to react right away if at any time sadness should come over our soul: Delight your soul and comfort your heart, and remove sorrow far from you, for sorrow has destroyed many and there is no profit in it." - In Conversation With God

I love the hard core meditations - they say it like it is.

L.D.

Last Thursday, the kids and I were lucky enough to spend time with Uncle Travis as we rode down to Canon Falls to visit Grandpa at Servant Camp. Everyone loves Uncle Travis. He is so easy to talk to, the kids have a special attachment to him, and his dry, creative humor never fails to make a person laugh.

As Faustina was in the back seat telling us about life, directing us where to drive, and trying to take charge of Jude, Travis gave her the nickname L.D. - "The Little Dictator". Uncle Travis went on to give Faustina a history lesson as he strongly encouraged her not to be a dictator. Historically speaking, he explained, dictators do not fair very well. They rule for a short while, but since a dictator does not have 'his people' behind him, they are soon overthrown only to be marked as tyrants by history books.

Perhaps we all can be 'Little Dictators' at times, I am learning it can be quite a prominent characteristic at the age of 2!

Summer Book Seminar

For six consecutive weeks this summer, we hosted a book seminar with sophomore students from Saint Agnes School.

During the six sessions we read short works from the following authors:

Graham Greene
John Henry Cardinal Newman
G.K. Chesterton
T.S. Eliot

We spent the last three sessions reading C.S. Lewis' "Till We Have Faces" which is his finest novel. I have grown to love this book and it is one of my favorites. It touches upon the most important questions/issues that every human must face: suffering, love, God, faith, reason, loss, and beauty. Ultimately, the book is about conversion and possessing what I'd call beauty of soul. The book is in many ways like Job.

C.S. Lewis spent much of his life writing it and one can see that it is also a very personal work. In it is his own conversion from atheism, his brief relationship with Joy Davidman, his knowledge of history and myth, the tension between faith and reason, and his apologetic against the modern, skeptical mind.

It is a fascinating work. I'd recommend it to anyone: the agnostic, atheist, the Christian, the Jew... I've been thinking too that it's a great book for someone who has lost a loved one in the recent past or a person who is experiencing suffering.

So, go and get a copy like these "wise-idiots" did (that's what sopho-more means)!

Here's a picture of C.S. Lewis... in his bathrobe?

The monument is up

A little over a week ago, Mom's monument was put in place at Resurrection cemetery. It really is beautiful. I love the quote from Romans 8:28, and I especially love that Mom and Dad's name is written in Mom's handwriting. The monument has her signature. She had such gorgeous handwriting that it adds an artistic touch to the monument.

These pictures are from a week ago when I went out there with the kids, but this past Saturday morning we had a family and friends gathering at the cemetery to honor Mom and be together. There were about 25 people present; Grandma Saunders and Debbie Binde drove down to be with us which was very special. Grandpa bought helium balloons and the grandkids let them go. I lost it and spent much of the time in tears; I guess I was not totally surprised, it has been several months since I have had those emotions come out. I suppose it is a good and fine thing to happen. I miss her terribly and as I sit here the tears come very easily! I know it will always be the case that I miss her so much; people say that as time goes on, the tears become less and less. We'll see. It is quite peaceful out at Resurrection and I hope to go there frequently, especially now that the monument is here.

Very vogue

These shoes just crack me up. They are so cute and make Faustina look like a fashionable young woman. The funny thing about them is that they actually have a small heel which, of course, is so 'grown-up'. Auntie Kim gave them to her a few days ago and they are the hot item in the Adkins' household. Faustina slept in them for two nights and makes sure she always knows where they are. Pretty funny.

Another great internet tool

Anyone who loves books should check out "LibraryThing". This website is fantastic! It basically allows a person to have a very organized library catalog online. Enter in all of your books and keep track of your own personal library. In case of a disaster such as a flood or fire, a person would have a reliable record of the entire library. Also, you can find recommendations from people who read similar books to you, you can organize your books in several different ways, write reviews, lists of books you want to read, keep track of lending books out to friends, etc.

You are what you are read

"You are what you eat. You are what you do. You are who you hang out with. You are what you watch on t.v. and movies. You are what your priorities are. You are what you love. And You are what you read." It is just true. All these factors shape the person I am always evolving into. It is just human nature; it is the way God made us. I have been hearing it since I was a young girl, but the lesson reaches me in a new what as I get older, mature, and raise children.

Lately I have been reading novels written by Louis de Wohl about saints. These are not fact books about saints or even the saints' own writings which are filled with wisdom and insight; these are works of historical fiction which have totally captivated my imagination and bring me into different worlds and, as a result, change my current way of thinking. I have been shocked lately how reading about Catherine of Siena has changed little things in my daily life. Reading about who she was as a person has made me want to pray more, work harder around the house, refrain from any sort of gossip or wrong speech, serve others more, be a better wife and mother, and the list goes on. Usually, I find that I need to pray for grace for these things or work really hard at them; but as I have read this particular novel, my mind is filled with story after story of great works she did and as these thoughts are on my mind - I find myself, almost blindly, following her example.

Several months ago I read a book with a group of people which I ended up strongly disliking. I had a conversation with a friend about it and she was saying how she liked it because it shows human nature is fallen and it describes what sin looks like. I agree that some books (like The Brother Karamazov does this well) can pull this off; ultimately, I would argue, there needs to be hope and redemption of some sort that points the story toward truth. This book did not have that characteristic as it was only grey, confusing, and disturbing. I was bummed that I wasted time reading it when I could have been filling my mind with other great works. I often think of a young man at the college I went to that often wore a sweatshirt that said, "So many books, so little time" on it. He is right! And I want to make sure I read the good ones.