A healthy detachment

This Advent season the Christian message "Being in this world, but not of this world" has been on my heart. I have heard it during Mass, read it myself many a time in Scripture, meditated on it, read commentary on it, etc. After all, it is a fairly basic message. For me, I have always understood it in light of things of this world - being careful to not be too materialistic, too attached to wealth, money, reputation, or ideas.

John 17, John 15:19, Romans 12 are a few Scripture passages that talk about this. John 17, particularly strikes me this Advent season as Jesus discusses PEOPLE being in this world, leaving this world, or being 'of' this world. Here, Jesus is not talking about THINGS he, he is talking about PEOPLE. Jesus talks about how he will not always be present on earth with his disciples, but he prays for them.

During the Christmas Season, we celebrate God's incarnation in this world as a baby. Why does God come as a human? He comes to save us - to give us eternal life! To show us the way. How amazing is that?

This Advent season as I (or Mike and I) go through different fun and trying stages with our two little children and excitedly await our third - I find it important to remember that these little people are gift to us and we have the responsibility to train them and teach them. I cannot control them, my happiness cannot depend on them, they will fall at times and I will not be able to help them and that is okay. In other words, I cannot be too emotionally attached to them. As the Christmas Season is so much about family and friends, I need to remember to have a healthy detachment from adult relationships as well.

Sunday night at a book club discussion on Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited, this idea again came to light for me as we discussed Lady Marchmain's character. As the woman of the household and the mother figure, she can at times give the perception of being cold or too detached from her family. Although there are good arguments pointing out her faults, I think she has something right. She pursues God before people and relationships and spends much time with the sacraments. Given human emotions, it could be easy for me at times to pursue people before truth.

But what does that look like to love someone unconditionally and with your whole heart, but give a person freedom to make his or her own choices? How was Mary able to bear watching her son being crucified on the cross? How was Abraham able to even be willing to kill his only son Isaac?

Well, I think that is the paradox. And therein lies the desperate need for constant prayer, I guess.

For me, I consider myself very lucky that I believe I have a model which I can think of in regard to these ideas which makes sense to me. When I was 15 years old, my own mother was very concerned about me. Years later she had a conversation with me and told me why she was concerned about me at the age of 15, but that the Lord made clear to her that she needed to 'let me go'. She described how and why that was hard for her, but that she was able to do it. And on my part, I distinctly remember that my relationship with her improved when I was 15 years old and on. She gave me a freedom yet at the same time a motherly love that spoke truth.

What exactly did this 'detached' motherly love look like? Well, it is hard for me to clearly articulate, but with my Mom I always had the feeling of unconditional love, I respected her, she did not push ideas or opinions on me ever, she mainly listened, she told me she prayed for me, she had a gentleness about her, she accepted my downfalls, and she was always just 'there' for me.

As I think of Christ coming to the stable manger December 25th, I think of his godly love for us humans. We only had Christ here on earth with us for 33 years! But, thankfully, we do have the opportunity to spend eternity with him, which is his ultimate desire for us.