Diary Days

A few days ago while cleaning my parents room, I found my Mom's diary from her senior year in highschool and some of her college days. It did not contain anything scandalous or reveal a rebellious young woman or party girl. No, it simply showed how good my Mom was through and through. Her writing showed how innocent, pure, simple, kind, fun-loving, honest, and faithful she was. She wrote about how she played ping-pong with her brother Mark, how she snagged her nylons on the desk in zoology class (zoology class??) and she couldn't stop laughing and her teacher starred a hole through her, how she needed to study so hard for class, how the farm was doing, and the list goes on.



And she wrote about how much she loved Carmen. People often talk about true love, well let me tell you, my parents had the real deal. Here is an entry from January 7th, 1964.

This entry says, "Things started happening today.I can't remember if the day started perfect, but it ended that way. Carmen asked me to go to the show with him next Sunday. I was so excited and I said that I would. Just think, our first date! After band I couldn't do a thing. I didn't tell a soul....I'm going to dream about everything nice tonight. I won't even be able to sleep. Guide me dear God."

And there are other entries about how Carmen came up to her in the hall and she said 'Hello Prince Charming' and then he blushed, and she blushed. Or about how Carmen carried her clarenet for her and he was such a gentleman. She wrote about handsome Carmen looked in his long coat and top-hat (!) and how she loved him so.

This is classic Mom and she loved my Dad so much from the beginning. She talked about how she thought another guy liked her, but she didn't think he was her type, she thought he was a bit 'fresh' and she didn't like that! She liked Carmen best.

And then she ends each diary entry with talking to Jesus and telling him she loves him. She says she is going to try to pray the whole rosary tonight or she asks for God's guidance in being a good woman, she prays it will work out with Carmen but she loves Jesus even more.

Life is just different now. People don't use diaries as much if anymore at all. People don't usually marry their highschool sweethearts. I could title this entry 'True Love', 'Time capsule', 'The Good Old Days' or any other number of titles alluding to life on a farm during the sixties without internet, t.v., and all the other entertainment. Just last month while I was in labor Mom was telling me they didn't even have any books on the farm to read! No novels, literature, hobby books, nothing like that. Her folks only had 5 books that were all about farming. So she knew those books inside and out!

I am proud to have a mother who lived with such integrity. She loved her life, her family and friends. She loved her husband, kids and grandkids and served them with all her heart.

God works in interesting ways...

The following is from my sister Kim's blog. Our mom died right after she turned 10, and she's beginning to reflect upon it (My Mom's father died when she was 9 too... hopefully not a pattern). Incidentally, Gail's death has helped her begin to work through things in a positive way.

As I mentioned in my last blog, the past week has been very overwhelming. I went into detail on one aspect, but not another. Let me start out by saying how thankful I am to have this blog. It’s a way for me to “vent” as some call it, however I prefer the term “express my feelings”. I know it sounds a bit weird, but after I blog I always feel this sense of freedom. Like everything that is bothering me I no longer have to worry about (for a little while) because it’s already been told.

Anyways, to continue what I originally had to write: The wake and funeral for Gail was very moving and brought back many memories for me. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, 6 years ago my own mom passed away of lymphoma cancer. I was ten years old and at this age, it’s a total shock for a kid. You don’t exactly know what to think and therefore I never expressed how I felt- because I didn’t feel anything. However, the last year or so (escaladed this past week) I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss my mom and how much different my life would be if she was around. As a teenager this is especially hard because I’ve just “hit reality” (as some say) of her loss and feel like I have no one to be a “mom” to me. As a girl, our mothers are the ones who comfort you on your first date, take you out shopping or for “mother daughter day”, talk with you when you’re having problems and just plainly help you get through life.

Continue reading her thoughts here.

Tiny Dancer [Updated]

The Lee family is finding all sorts of things in the house - some bring back a flood of memories.

I can imagine Gail wearing this in the late 1980's on a big, puffy winter jacket, or maybe pinned on an enormous purse. Priceless.

I bet many didn't know this side of Cynthia!

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Wow. That was a LONG time ago. I think it is safe to say that is a side most people will never see of me! :)

Video: "Does God exist?"

This is a great argument for why the youth ought to be taught doctrine and dogma as opposed to simply indoctrinating them about feelings, "values," and social justice.

Faith and reason.

Changes

It has now been 10 days since my Mom left us. Somehow, I know things will be okay in the long run, but that knowledge doesn't make the present any easier. And, frankly, I think it will get harder before it easier as the reality of my Mom being gone sets in. Right now it seems like she could just be on a vacation. But I know I will miss her even more as the weeks, months and years come and I look for her phone calls, have cooking questions, go over to my parents house and want to say hi to her in her kitchen, as I leave their house and look at the door to see her waving goodbye (she always stood there and waved goodbye for as long as we could see her as we drove away), as my kids get older, and as birthdays and holidays come, and the list goes on.

I keep thinking how my Mom really was my mother until the very day she died. The other night in my dreams I relived when I was in the hospital after I had Jude. When I woke up from surgery, the first face I saw was my Mom standing by my bedside. I saw her even before Mike since he was with Jude. My Mom comforted me and talked to the doctor. She told the doctor all the injuries I had in the past, if I was allergic to anything, she knew when I had some of my last shots. She was taking care of me and everything would be okay. I was her daughter and she knew me better than anyone! She not only knew my physical history to tell the doctor in that instance in the hospital, but she just knew me inside and out! She knew my personality, likes, dislikes, aspirations, my experiences, just about everything.

Now, life really has changed forever. A new chapter has started in my life and in my family's life. Again, the Lord will provide - but it will never quite be the same. To me, life does not feel as safe or comfortable. As I was talking with Mike, he said it is kind of like I (and my siblings) are orphaned. And it really does feel like that. A mother and father have unique roles, and one can never totally fill those shoes. That is just the way life is. God created family to have unexplainable bonds; and I know how incredibly powerful that mother-daughter relationship is as I now feel that huge void.

Mom was always building us kids up. She was constantly telling us how special we were, praising us for our achievements, telling us how proud she was of us, and showing us how much she loved us in the hundreds of different ways she served us. A few days before Mom's health turned seriously bad, as I was helping her with some of health routines she told me how I missed my calling as a nurse (of that I am not convinced) and then she rattled off a list of all the things she thought I was good at. She was just being a Mom...even when she herself was so ill and feeling terrible.

I was able to spend a lot of time with Mom the last month of her life as I slept overnight there her last 4 weeks and was there 24/7 the last week. For that I am so so grateful. About 3 days before Mom was unable to walk she surprised me and put together this vase of roses for me; I took a picture of them because they were so absolutely beautiful. She already was having a hard time walking with her cane and I bet she probably spent over an hour walking out to the backyard, cutting these roses from her rose bush, finding the blue vase, filling it with water, and packaging it in a box with newspaper for me to bring home. She did it as a labor of love for me because she knew how much I love flowers. That is just the way she was.



I am so lucky to have had such an amazing woman as a mother. And I am so thankful for the close relationship we had. Besides being my mother, she really was my best friend. I will always have her as an example of how to be a good mother, and I only hope I can try to emulate her as best I can.

Remembering Gail & Giving Thanks

First of all, I would like to direct you to Carmen's blog. He has kept this since March after Gail was diagnosed with cancer in early February. There are a lot of wonderful memories on here, especially what he has written this past week in honor of Gail. I want to honor Carmen for his powerful witness to love and service of his wife these past seven and a half months.

Since my own mother's death, Gail has been like a 2nd mother to me. I will miss her greatly: the profound friendship she had with Cynthia, her love for Faustina & Jude, her model of motherly goodness, the fun she and Carmen had together, and her kindness to me (among many other things). As I reflected yesterday, she treated me as if we had a special relationship; certainly we did, but she treated everyone that way. I am grateful to God for having Gail in my life.

Although I have faith that Gail is now with the Lord and I perhaps will earn the privilege to see her again in Eternity, it was still somewhat frustrating to go over to their place tonight and not see her; I had a hard time not talking about or thinking about her. The thoughts and feelings are the same as they were in 2003 (and I suspect will be for some time as then), and I don't think I can say much better than I did here.

Deo gratias. Thanks to everyone for their prayers and help these past days. The following is from the beautiful ending of Dante's Paradiso (XXXI, 1-42):

Then in the pattern of a pure white rose
Was shown to me the saintly soldiery
Whom Christ has made his bride with his own blood.

But the other host — who, flying, see and sing
The glory of him who fills them with his love
And the goodness that made them magnificent—

Just like a swarm of bees, alight in flowers
At one instant and in the next returning
To where their toil attains its fragrant taste—

Flew downward into that vast flower, fringed
With myriad petals, and rising up from it
Sped back to where their love forever rests.

Their faces all glowed with a living flame;
Their wings were gold, and their whole form so white
That no snow ever rivaled such pure whiteness.

When they dove to the flower, row on row,
They spread some portion of the love and peace
Which they won when they waved their wings on high.

Nor did the flight of such a multitude
Coming between the upper light and flower
Block out the vision and the sea of splendor.

For the divine light through the universe
So penetrates in measure to its worth
That there is nothing to stand in the way.

This jubilant and ever-restful kingdom,
Thronging with people of old and modern times,
Kept gaze and love all focused on one goal.

O threefold Light which, in a single star
Sparkling upon their sight, so pleases them,
Look down here on our storms that rage on earth!

If the barbarians, come from the North
Which day by day is spanned by Helice,
Rotating with her son on whom she dotes,

Were struck with wonder when they sighted Rome
And her high-towering buildings, at the time
The Lateran surpassed all mortal works,

I, who had come out of our human life
To the divine, from time to the eternal,
From Florence to a just and wholesome people —

What was the wonder which welled up in me!
In truth, what with my stupor and my joy,
I happily heard nothing and stood silent.

Requiescat in pace: Gail Marie Lee [2nd UPDATE]

Pictured: Gail & Jude - 3 weeks ago today just hours after his birth.
Grandma Gail passed away around 12:40pm on Monday.

We live in hope and we believe that she was born into Eternal Life.

She was a humble, gentle, kind, and profoundly faithful person - please pray for the repose of her soul.

We believe that Gail is in the Lord's protection now.

Thank you for your prayers.

Thursday, Sept. 17th - Prayer Service & Visitation at Trinity School at River Ridge (601 River Ridge Parkway, Eagan, MN 55121). Visitation will begin at 5:30 and run until 8pm; at 8pm there will be honoring of Gail - Cynthia and three others will share at this time.

Friday, Sept. 18 - Funeral Mass at Lumen Christi in St. Paul (2055 Bohland Ave, St Paul, MN 55116-1911) at 10 am followed by interment at Resurrection Cemetery in Mendota Heights (2101 S. Lexington Ave., Mendota Hghts, MN 55120).

A luncheon estimated at 1pm will follow at Lumen Christi. All are welcome to every part of the day: funeral, interment, and luncheon.

Memorials will be printed in the Pioneer Press and Star Tribune the rest of the week.

This is what the obituary in the Pioneer Press and Star Tribune reads:

Loving Wife, Mother, Grandmother & Friend Age 63 Met Jesus September 14, 2009 with family by her side after a courageous battle with breast cancer. Survived by husband Carmen of 41 years, children John (Mary), Travis, Aaron (Amy), Cynthia (Mike), grandchildren Henry, Liam, Leo, Faustina, Audrey and Jude, mother Marian, brothers Allen (Debbie), Mark (Mary) and sister Debbie (Dale). Her father Charles Saunders preceded her in death. Gail grew up in North Dakota earning a Masters of Education from Minot College. However, she viewed her decision to be a "stay at home mother" her calling. Gail always made family her priority and served in countless ways as a covenant member of People of Praise Christian Community. Her joy and selflessness will be irreplaceable. Visitation 5:30-8pm Thursday September 17 at TRINITY SCHOOL AT RIVER RIDGE, (601 River Ridge Pkwy, Eagan), with a prayer service starting at 8pm at the school. Mass of Christian Burial 10 AM Friday September 18 at LUMEN CHRISTI CATHOLIC CHURCH, (2055 Bohland Ave., St. Paul), with a visitation 1 hr prior to the Mass at the church. Interment Resurrection Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorials preferred.

Praying for Grandma Gail... UPDATED

Grandma Gail, Cynthia's mom, is fighting hard against cancer right now. Please pray for Gail and for her family in this time.

We pray that the Lord's will be done, and that whatever happens will be filled with God's ever abundant grace, compassion, and mercy.

Asking for the intercession of St. Jude and St. Faustina on Gail's behalf is greatly appreciated. St. Jude is the patron of lost, difficult, or seemingly hopeless cases.

Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and especially at 3pm (the hour Christ died for mankind's sins), is a wonderful way to support Gail and her family.

1. Begin with the Sign of the Cross, 1 Our Father, 1 Hail Mary and The Apostles Creed.

2. Then on the Our Father Beads say the following:
Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

3. On the 10 Hail Mary Beads say the following:
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

(Repeat step 2 and 3 for all five decades).

4. Conclude with (three times):
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Teresa of Avila

This past week I have been spending nights with my Mom while my Dad works security at the State Fair. Mom is doing well although everyday has its own 'twist' if you will. We do not know what the Lord is up to, but we continue to pray that the Lord's will be done and that she is healed.

Mom and I watched a movie series on Teresa of Avila which is about 9 hours. She endured tremendous suffering and was truly an unbelievable woman. It is refreshing to learn about the saints; they are men and women of character who choose to give everything to God, and he uses them in miraculous ways. They are not 'perfect' people by any means, but they are fortified in their faith and have a courage that is sometimes hard to believe. Teresa lived during the 16th century in Spain and was a controversial figure; people either loved or hated her. She definitely had an edge to her and had a will of steal. Lord, use our own gifts to always glorify your name.

First bath

Here is our little boy with a big belly and an amazing mohawk.

Driving already

There was a garage sale in our neighborhood a few days ago. We found a few clothes for Jude and we inquired whether one of her toy cars was for sale on the driveway. She said no, not this time around but she did have another one at her new house. A few days later we found this on doorstep. Faustina loves it and she got in and out about 374 times which occupied her for an hour. Gotta love the classic orange play cars.

The Mighty Mississippi

I love that we live a few blocks away from the River. It is easy to take for granted how much we use it to enjoy picnics, walks, bike rides, and seeing how the river reflects the grandeur of the different seasons. Last night we took our dinner down to Hidden Falls and then Dad showed Faustina how to skip stones. She needs a lot of practice.