Reflections on Mother's Day

Mother's Day has come and gone; we had a restful (kind of!) peaceful day. We didn't make it out to Resurrection to visit Grandma Adkins and Grandma Lee - Jude needed to nap and then it started raining out. I, however, have enjoyed going out there the past three days with the kids and spending time walking around and praying a bit by Mom's grave.

Since Mom died a year and a half ago, I have many many people ask me how I am doing and how I've dealt with losing her. It is, surprisingly, a hard question for me to answer. It is hard because people, it seems, expect me to break out crying or launch into a sad heartbreaking story - when, in fact, the opposite is true. Often people ask me with a sad look on their face, with concern and in a tentative voice. My answer is most often with a smile saying - "You know, of course, I miss her terribly; but the Lord has turned Mom's death for me into a blessing!". And then I try to explain as well as I can. Now, that probably sounds very strange - perhaps to most people that would read this or hear me say that. Mom's death is not a 'hard' thing for me or something that I should be pitied for - it was God's will and he will use it to plant seeds of goodness and holiness here on earth.

The reality is that since Mom died, I feel like she is always with me here - all the time! And I mean that in a very literal way. I am sure this is simply a grace the Lord has blessed me with - but as I raise our children, when I am with extended family, as I clean the house, as I quilt or knit, as I experience difficult or joyful circumstances - I can hear her voice, see her face, and I, in a way, live out how she would be with me in that situation. It may sound corny (any one who knows me knows I am not a corny person), but it just is the way it is. In fact, I honestly feel a closer tie with Mom now since she is with God and the communion of Saints. I often ask her to intercede for us (we need it!) here on earth.

Not only do I feel my Mother's presence constantly, but both her time of being sick and her death launched me into a more mature understanding and pursuit of my faith. I have said this before, but her death slapped my in the face with how short our life is here - so I better do everything in my power to get it right. Since Mom has died, the Lord has persistently been answering prayer (not always in the way I anticipated of course) and giving me daily strength for what each new morning brings. I can see how losing a parent could shatter an individual's security, but the Lord has called me to run to him even more and look to him for everything. There are three areas - specifically with regards to motherhood - that I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on: The Blessed Virgin Mary, suffering, and God's will.

The first apspect of my faith that the Lord has strengthened has been growing in my relationship with our Mother Mary. She, truly, is our highest example of motherhood and I am grateful that I can lean on her for prayers and being a gateway to more grace from Jesus. Providentially, the month of May is dedicated to Mary in the Catholic Church - Happy Mother's Day to the Blessed Virgin!

Yet another area that has often plagued me about Catholicism is the notion of suffering. I grew up in a very exuberant, happy environment - there really was no pain or suffering of me to speak of. I always wondered "What is the deal with all the pictures of saints in agony, of everyone looking sad all the time, thinking this world is an awful terrible forlorn place?? Come on! I mean, really, people, this is a bit extreme! God made the world good, let's be happy!" As I saw my Mom suffer and as I get older and have more experiences of the sin and wickedness in the world - I understand more of what these Saints were about. It is all about the cross - that is at the heart of our faith. That is why Jesus came in the first place - to suffer and DIE for our sins! And he calls us to that suffering with him. Teresa of Avila said, (paraphrasing) "The more a person suffers and unites it to Jesus' suffering on the cross, the more holy that person becomes and sees the face of God."

The last area which I have learned much about is God's will - I need to accept it. Of course, it would not have been my will for Mom to die - but it was in the Lord's plan. I have grown up often praying for something fairly specific - but I have changed that mode of thinking quite a bit. I try more and more and more to pray for God's will to be done and that I can recognize what it is. I try not to pray for what my feelings or emotions desire (which for me is the easiest thing to do), but what the Lord's will is. When I really think about it - I don't know what is best for myself let alone how my actions will affect other people; so, I pray that the Lord's will be done, try to listen to people I respect and their wisdom, ask the Lord to open and close doors, and I do the best I can.

I was watching Mother Angelica on Mother's Day (she has been my new favorite for awhile! she is hilarious, so knowledgeable, and I believe a saintly person) and she was talking about heaven and death. One of the many things she said was that we, as human persons, never die. When our time is done here on earth, our souls live with God until the second coming when we are reunited with our bodies. I knew this, but the way she talked about heaven and life in heaven gave me a small possible picture of Mom's existence now. No wonder I feel her presence so strongly with me. Happy Mother's Day Mom!