Being a living mystery

"That calling from God, the attempt in obedience to follow Christ, does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in a being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist." -Dorothy Day

I am currently reading articles and essays by Dorothy Day, a truly saintly woman. I am completely taken by her writing and insight. It it captivating, philosophic, humble, and simple but still radical; she has a way of plainly stating the truth that jolts my mind to see reality in a new light and inspires me to be a better person. I knew little about her before, and to me she seems to be a mix of a modern day Augustine, an America's Mother Theresa, and John Richard Neuhaus. It can be a bit overwhelming to wrap one's mind around her life story of early rebel years, love for the poor, love for the Church, intellect, social work, awareness of injustice and those who suffer, and the list goes on.

I went to my hour of adoration last night (praying at our local church before the Eucharist) and I sat and wondered "How do these people do it???! How do they know what to say and how to act ALL the time? How are they so full of wisdom? They have story after amazing story of grace and the Lord working powerfully in their own and others' lives!" How does a figure like Dorothy Day essentially squander the first 25 years of her life away (she had many love affairs, was never married but had one abortion and one child out of wedlock, ran with the wrong crowds, etc), convert, and then go on to make such an incredible mark on the 21st century?

As I began praying the rosary, the Lord gave a clear answer to me regarding my question. These people, a Dorothy Day individual prayed - a lot. Dorothy Day relates how she made sure to pray for several hours a day. She attended daily mass, said the rosary, prayed before the Eucharist and prayed throughout the day. It didn't matter how busy she was, prayer was most important, her first priority. I meditated on the sorrowful mysteries as I said a scriptural rosary. The first sorrowful mystery is The Agony in the Garden. Here are the ten short scriptural passages:
1. Jesus came with them to Gethsemane. And sadness came over him, and great distress. Matt 26:36
2. Then he said,"My soul is sorrowful to the point of death. Wait here and keep awake with me." Matt 26: 38
3. Then he withdrew from them and knelt down and prayed. Luke22:41
4. "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me. Nevertheless, let your will be done, not mine.' Luke 22:42
5. Then an angel appeared to him, coming from heaven to give him strength. Luke 22:43
6. In his anguish he prayed even more earnestly. Luke 22:44
7. And his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood. Luke 22:44
8. Then he came back to his disciples and found them sleeping, and he said, 'So you had not the strength to keep awake with me one hour?' Matt 26: 40
9. 'You should be awake, and praying not to be put to the test.' Matt 26:41
10. 'The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.' Matt 26:41

Jesus was praying, the angel came down to give him strength, and then he prayed even HARDER! All the while, the disciples were sleeping. Jesus says they should be praying so that they would not be put to the test. While reading this, it struck me that I often pray for people, situations, or whatever I KNOW about and can concretely ask for. And I ought to pray so that I am not put to the test during my days. So that I will be filled with grace, wisdom, patience, love, everything GOOD so that I know how to respond to situations throughout my day.

And then as I continued to pray the rosary, it was heartwrenching to mediate on the suffering Jesus endured. As difficult as it was, he had prayed and God's grace was sufficient for him.

I recall a conversation I had a long time ago with a mother who said it just was too difficult to get 'sit-down' prayer time in. This friend had concluded that simply being a mother and all the tasks that are involved are a prayer in themselves. I agree that it is hard to be disciplined enough to sit still, be quiet and pray and also that work is a sort of prayer. But I am convinced that quiet prayer times are, in fact, necessary. To be intentional, to worship, to read scripture, to talk to God and most importantly (probably) to listen is essential in being God's instrument here on earth. It is an action that, perhaps, can take me one step closer to being a woman like Dorothy Day, a living mystery.