Unseen grace

Well, yes, of course grace is unseen. But I have found that most often I am looking for a sign in the sky or a voice from heaven for an answer to prayers; really, I am looking for something obvious. I guess God doesn't often work that way.

But I am ever so grateful for the abundant amount of grace the Lord has blessed me and my family with the past 6 months. Between all the life-changing events of Mike starting a new job in July, Jude being born in August, and losing my Mother in September, I am almost surprised to find myself in one piece sometimes. God has been so present and he continues to be now.

As I mentioned, I look for God to make big things happen; but, actually, I know that grace begins with small little little decisions I make. Last week I was feeling very sorry for myself for a few reasons. I knew I was not thinking correctly about several situations, but I couldn't help my thought patterns. I jumped on my bike and went over to Nativity for confession. I didn't want to do this, but I knew it would be a good thing to do. I stumbled through my confession and, when leaving the confessional I was not very impressed with what the priest had to offer me. He told me to go and say St. Francis's 'Prayer for Peace'.

Well, again, God's grace and mercy really was overflowing because that is exactly what I needed to pray.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Yes, I had said and heard this prayer hundreds of times, but it hit me in a new way this time. As I had been drowning in my own sorrows, I was unable to see what needs were around me and how I need to be active in being an instrument of God' grace. Right now it sounds kind of corny to write, but it really is true and it hit me like a brick on the head. My Mom had always showered me with so many gifts all the time; now it is time for me to take her lead and try my best to leave every situation better than I found it and to be Christ to every person I am around.

I left the church and as I got on my bike I saw a man who was probably in his 80's going into the church. But I stopped and stared because he could barely walk. He had parked right outside the church door. Each step he took was probably about 5 inches (really, I'm not exaggerating), actually it was more of a shuffle. I wanted to help him, but wasn't sure what to do because I basically would have stood there while he shuffled his way in the door. Looking back I still should have tried to help him.

As I rode home, I was thinking about how that man was exerting so much effort to go to confession to receive God's grace. I was thinking about how I was thankful for God's 'quiet' way of redirecting my thoughts the last 15 minutes in church and giving me a renewed peace after going to the sacrament of confession. I have to work hard to remember that the Holy Spirit is always at work, I just need to be aware and ready to receive his grace!